How happy are you -- really? If there’s room for improvement, then Gretchen
Rubin has some suggestions.

A few years ago, on a morning like any other, I had a sudden realization: I was
in danger of wasting my life. As I stared out the rain-spattered window of a New
York City bus, I saw that the years were slipping by.

“What do I want from life?” I asked myself. “Well…I want to be happy.” I had
many reasons to be happy: My husband was the tall, dark, handsome love of my
life; we had two delightful girls, ages 1 and 7; I was a writer, living in my
favorite city. I had friends; I had my health; I didn’t have to color my hair.
But too often I sniped at my husband or the drugstore clerk. I felt dejected
after even a minor professional setback. I lost my temper easily. Is that how a
happy person would act?

I decided on the spot to begin a systematic study of happiness. (A little
intense, I know. But that’s the kind of thing that appeals to me.) In the end, I
spent a year test-driving the wisdom of the ages, current scientific studies,
and tips from popular culture. If I followed all the advice, I wanted to know,
would it work?

Well, the year is over, and I can say: It did. I made myself happier. And along
the way I learned a lot about how to be happier. Here are those lessons.

1. Don’t start with profundities.
When I began my Happiness Project, I realized pretty quickly that, rather than
jumping in with lengthy daily meditation or answering deep questions of
self-identity, I should start with the basics, like going to sleep at a decent
hour and not letting myself get too hungry. Science backs this up; these two
factors have a big impact on happiness. Learn how to Get a Good Night's Sleep.

2. Do let the sun go down on anger.
I had always scrupulously aired every irritation as soon as possible, to make
sure I vented all bad feelings before bedtime. Studies show, however, that the
notion of anger catharsis is poppycock. Expressing anger related to minor,
fleeting annoyances just amplifies bad feelings, while not expressing anger
often allows it to dissipate. (See 16 Ways to Manage Your Anger from Real
Simple)

3. Fake it till you feel it.
Feelings follow actions. If I’m feeling low, I deliberately act cheery, and I
find myself actually feeling happier. If I’m feeling angry at someone, I do
something thoughtful for her and my feelings toward her soften. This strategy is
uncannily effective.

4. Realize that anything worth doing is worth doing badly.
Challenge and novelty are key elements of happiness. The brain is stimulated by
surprise, and successfully dealing with an unexpected situation gives a powerful
sense of satisfaction. People who do new things — learn a game, travel to
unfamiliar places — are happier than people who stick to familiar activities
that they already do well. I often remind myself to “Enjoy the fun of failure”
and tackle some daunting goal.

5. Don’t treat the blues with a “treat.”
Often the things I choose as “treats” aren’t good for me. The pleasure lasts a
minute, but then feelings of guilt and loss of control and other negative
consequences deepen the lousiness of the day. While it’s easy to think, I’ll
feel good after I have a few glasses of wine…a pint of ice cream…a cigarette…a
new pair of jeans, it’s worth pausing to ask whether this will truly make things
better.

6. Buy some happiness.
Our basic psychological needs include feeling loved, secure, and good at what we
do and having a sense of control. Money doesn’t automatically fill these
requirements, but it sure can help. I’ve learned to look for ways to spend money
to stay in closer contact with my family and friends; to promote my health; to
work more efficiently; to eliminate sources of irritation and marital conflict;
to support important causes; and to have enlarging experiences. For example,
when my sister got married, I splurged on a better digital camera. It was
expensive, but it gave me a lot of happiness bang for the buck.

7. Don’t insist on the best.
There are two types of decision makers. Satisficers (yes, satisficers) make a
decision once their criteria are met. When they find the hotel or the pasta
sauce that has the qualities they want, they’re satisfied. Maximizers want to
make the best possible decision. Even if they see a bicycle or a backpack that
meets their requirements, they can’t make a decision until they’ve examined
every option. Satisficers tend to be happier than maximizers. Maximizers expend
more time and energy reaching decisions, and they’re often anxious about their
choices. Sometimes good enough is good enough.

8. Exercise to boost energy.
I knew, intellectually, that this worked, but how often have I told myself, “I’m
just too tired to go to the gym”? Exercise is one of the most dependable
mood-boosters. Even a 10-minute walk can brighten my outlook. Try one of these
15-Minute Workouts.

9. Stop nagging.
I knew my nagging wasn’t working particularly well, but I figured that if I
stopped, my husband would never do a thing around the house. Wrong. If anything,
more work got done. Plus, I got a surprisingly big happiness boost from quitting
nagging. I hadn’t realized how shrewish and angry I had felt as a result of
speaking like that. I replaced nagging with the following persuasive tools:
wordless hints (for example, leaving a new lightbulb on the counter); using just
one word (saying “Milk!” instead of talking on and on); not insisting that
something be done on my schedule; and, most effective of all, doing a task
myself. Why did I get to set the assignments?

10. Take action.
Some people assume happiness is mostly a matter of inborn temperament: You’re
born an Eeyore or a Tigger, and that’s that. Although it’s true that genetics
play a big role, about 40 percent of your happiness level is within your
control. Taking time to reflect, and conscious steps to make your life happier,
really does work. So use these tips to start your own Happiness Project. I
promise it won’t take you a whole year.

About the Author
Gretchen Rubin is the author of several books, and she keeps a daily blog at
www.happiness-project.com. Her next book, The Happiness Project, will be
published in late 2009. She lives in New York City with her husband and two
daughters.