Rodney Dangerfield's One Liners

1. I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent
a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted
more proof.

2. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him
to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think
we'll ever find them?" He said,"I don't know kid. There's
so many places they can hide."

3. One year they wanted to make me poster boy for birth
control.

4. I was such an ugly kid...When I played in the sandbox,
the cat kept covering me up.

5. I was such an ugly baby...My mother never breast fed me.
She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

6. I'm so ugly...My father carried around a picture of the
kid who came with his wallet.

7. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room
and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything
we could, but he pulled through."

8- I'm so ugly, when I was born the doctor slapped my mother!