Wonderful Definitions

School
A place where parents pay and children play

Life Insurance
A contract that keeps you poor all your life 
so that you can die rich.

Nurse:
A person who wakes you up to give you sleeping pills. 

Marriage
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

Divorce
Future tense of marriage.

Tears
The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower. 

Lecture

An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of  the students without passing through "the minds of either" 

Conference
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present. 

Compromise
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece 

Dictionary
A place where success comes before work 

Conference Room
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on 

Father
A banker provided by nature 

Criminal
A person no different from the rest
...except that he/she got caught 

Boss
Someone who is early when you are late and  late when you are early

Politician
One who shakes your hand before elections and 
your confidence after 

DOCTOR
A person who holds your ills by pills, and kills you by bills. 

Classic
Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile
A curve that can set a lot of things straight. 

Office
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life. 

Yawn
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth. 

Etc.
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do. 

Committee
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together. 

Experience
The name men give to their mistakes. 

Atom Bomb
An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher
A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise